My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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