Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
