Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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