Your tits are I can't wait for
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
