Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
