i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
