i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
