when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
