So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Randomize
