when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
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well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
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I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.