Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?