We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.