Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now http://tfl.nu/yx20
  Replies (1) Good night (1580) Bad night (643)
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  You should get sea herpes

  (831): View more from California

  I mean sea horses

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): You should get sea herpes (831): I mean sea horses http://tfl.nu/2vm6
  Replies (21) Good night (3780) Bad night (737)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story. http://tfl.nu/xxuj
  Replies (8) Good night (1097) Bad night (4735)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning.. http://tfl.nu/4rfg
  Replies (16) Good night (4772) Bad night (1040)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green. http://tfl.nu/6tsm
  Replies (25) Good night (6653) Bad night (906)
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper http://tfl.nu/01yr
  Replies (16) Good night (4003) Bad night (1495)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen. http://tfl.nu/y9fq
  Replies (30) Good night (6034) Bad night (1666)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them http://tfl.nu/vxlz
  Replies (10) Good night (5367) Bad night (819)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday. http://tfl.nu/7ydm
  Replies (10) Good night (2997) Bad night (947)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out. http://tfl.nu/bww1
  Replies (11) Good night (5743) Bad night (945)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night. http://tfl.nu/q1q9
  Replies (2) Good night (802) Bad night (390)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother. http://tfl.nu/ewkc
  Replies (4) Good night (1060) Bad night (387)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose. http://tfl.nu/98w1
  Replies (2) Good night (969) Bad night (350)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus. http://tfl.nu/e88p
  Replies (4) Good night (931) Bad night (306)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today. http://tfl.nu/fwke
  Replies (3) Good night (504) Bad night (203)

Randomize