mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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