I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.