At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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