i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
