My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
