apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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