Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
