woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Enjoy the penises
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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