I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
