Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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