do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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