U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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