When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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