Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
