forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
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More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
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Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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