Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
