something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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