so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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