Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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