Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
