I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
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I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
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In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"