I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She even gives head with a lisp.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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