my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.