my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
