Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
