I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
