Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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