Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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