Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
