His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
