Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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