The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Duck Duck Cougar?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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