I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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