Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
