If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
