Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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