im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
