I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
