I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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