You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
