Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
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They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
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I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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