I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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