had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
