She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
