And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
