I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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