Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
