I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
