So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
