I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
