you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
