I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
