He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
how do you play pong handcuffed?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
