I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
