I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
