Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
