I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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