it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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