he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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