I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
