sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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