I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
