Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
