Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
