At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
